RelationshipsBlueCoot

17 Aug 3 min read

My Boyfriend Wants a Baby, But I’m Waiting for a Job That Could Change My Life

I’m a 25-year-old university student currently in Level 200, second semester, and I’m expected to move to Level 300 soon. I’m in a relationship with a 30-year-old man who is also a university student. He is currently in his final year studying Law. Recently, my boyfriend started talking seriously about marriage and having children. His plan is for me to get pregnant, and within the first or second month of the pregnancy, he would come to pay my bride price. We would have the traditional marriage first and later complete the legal marriage at the court. At first, I didn’t know how to feel about it because I love him, but the more I think about it, the more confused I become. I’m the first child in my family, and I come from a financially struggling background. There are already many responsibilities on my shoulders. My grandfather had a child with another woman before she passed away, and that child is currently being raised by my mother and me. So, even though I’m still a student, I already have family responsibilities that I cannot ignore. At the moment, I earn about ₦150,000 a month, while my boyfriend earns around ₦400,000. He has even offered to give me ₦2,000,000 to start a business so that I can have another source of income. The problem is that I honestly don’t know what business to start, and I don’t want to rush into something simply because I’m being given money. There is also another opportunity I’m holding on to. I applied for all four of the security services, and thankfully, I passed the medical examinations. Unfortunately, I wasn’t selected for the first batch. I’ve been told there may be a second batch in November, so I’ve been hoping to wait and see if I get selected. Getting one of those jobs would completely change my situation. It could help me support my family, continue my education, become financially independent and build a more secure future for myself. But my boyfriend doesn’t want to wait until November. He says he loves me and wants us to settle down now. He wants us to get married and start having children rather than continuing to postpone our plans. He believes that we can build our lives together and that I shouldn’t allow the uncertainty of a job opportunity to delay our future. I understand his point, and I love him. I also appreciate the fact that he is willing to support me financially and has even offered me ₦2,000,000 to start a business. But I’m scared. What happens if I become pregnant now and the security service opportunity comes through in November? Will I still be able to take the job? Will pregnancy, marriage and motherhood make it difficult for me to continue my education or pursue the career I want? I also keep asking myself whether accepting ₦2,000,000 to start a business is enough reason to bring a child into the world right now. What if the business fails? What if his income changes? What if we struggle financially after having the baby? I don’t want to make a decision based only on love or fear of losing him. At the same time, I don’t want to reject a man who genuinely wants to marry me and build a family with me. My biggest fear is that I may sacrifice an opportunity that could change my life, only to regret it later. My boyfriend says he doesn’t want to wait. I feel I need at least until November to know what happens with the security service recruitment before making such a major decision. I love this man, but I also have dreams, responsibilities and a future I’m trying to build. Am I being selfish by asking him to wait, or should I prioritize marriage and starting a family with the man I love?