ConfessionsLGhost

4 Sept 2 min read

ONE NIGHT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER

I never thought one decision I made in a moment of weakness could follow me for the rest of my life. After my girlfriend of four years and I broke up, I became tired of relationships. I told myself I was done with love and wanted nothing serious again. One day, a friend introduced me to a lady he had patronised before. He spoke highly of her and assured me everything was fine. When she came over, we talked about protection. She told me she had no infection but also said I was free to use a condom. At some point, I wasn't comfortable and, stupidly, I allowed myself to believe everything was fine. I removed the condom. That decision is one I wish I could take back. For the next three months, I noticed nothing unusual and went about my normal life. Then I noticed a tiny rash around my penis. I ignored it at first, but then another appeared, and another. That's when fear entered my body. I went to the hospital and was tested for several STIs, including HIV. The result came back positive. I couldn't speak. I couldn't believe that one night had changed everything. I started taking antiretroviral medication, and for almost a year now, I've been taking my medication and learning how to live with this new reality. I even contacted my ex-girlfriend because I wondered if perhaps I had already contracted HIV while we were together. Thankfully, she tested negative. That was when I realised this infection most likely came from that encounter. The hardest part isn't even taking the medication. It's the fear of what happens when I eventually want to love someone again. How do I tell someone? Will they reject me? Will they be afraid of me? Will they look at me differently? I know I made a terrible decision that night, but I also know my life isn't over. I'm taking my medication, taking care of myself and learning more about HIV every day. HIV is not a death sentence, and people living with HIV can have relationships, families and fulfilling lives. And to the guys reading this, please learn from my mistake. Don't rely on someone's word that they're "clean." Take protection seriously every single time. If you ever have unprotected sex, don't sit at home waiting for symptoms. Get tested. One careless decision can still change your life, but it does not have to define your entire future. I learnt that lesson the hardest way possible. Have you ever made one decision that you wish you could undo?