RelationshipsZCod

6 Aug 3 min read

My Boyfriend Earns Well, But Spending Money on Me Feels Like Punishment

I came across Eucarl through a friend's WhatsApp status. I began reading the stories out of curiosity, but before I knew it, I was spending hours in the comment section because the experiences felt so real. Seeing how people offer advice without knowing one another gave me the courage to share my own situation. I would truly appreciate honest opinions, as I am unsure whether I am overreacting or if my feelings are valid. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost three years. He is a hardworking man with a stable job and earns well. My concern is not his financial capacity, but rather his extreme frugality, especially when it comes to me. Whenever we go out, he calculates everything down to the last naira. If the bill is ₦9,800, he will complain about how expensive the restaurant is, as though he was forced to choose it. At times, he even asks me to transfer my own share while we are still seated there. It is quite embarrassing. On my birthdays, I do not expect luxury gifts. Even something simple like a cake, flowers, or a thoughtful gesture would mean a lot to me. However, every year he tells me, “Birthdays are just ordinary days. Let’s not waste money.” Last December, I saved gradually from my salary and bought him a nice wristwatch because I wanted him to feel appreciated. He smiled, thanked me, and wore it immediately. On my own birthday a few months later, he sent me a WhatsApp message that simply read, “Happy birthday, my wife to be. God bless your new age.” That was all. Sometimes when I visit him, I buy food on my way because I know that if I don’t, he will say he was not planning to cook. If we are together and I mention something I like in a shop, he quickly says, “Don’t let social media pressure you into unnecessary spending.” Last month, NEPA disconnected the electricity in my apartment because I was unable to complete my bill after paying my younger brother’s school fees. I was not asking him to cover everything. I only asked if he could lend me ₦20,000, which I would repay after payday. He looked at me and said, “If I start solving your problems now, you will become dependent on me.” I cried all the way home. The painful part is that he spends on himself without hesitation. He recently bought a new phone worth over ₦800,000 because he felt he deserved an upgrade. He travels with his friends, buys expensive sneakers and perfumes, and never questions those expenses. Whenever I express how I feel, he says I am only interested in his money and that a good woman should not measure love by financial contribution. Now I find myself questioning everything. Is it truly too much to expect occasional gestures like buying food, remembering a birthday, or offering support during genuine hardship? He keeps insisting that this is who he is and that if I truly love him, I should accept him as he is. But deep down, I am afraid. If he is this reserved with me while we are still dating, what will happen if we get married? Am I being entitled, or am I ignoring a red flag because I am in love?