RelationshipsCreedSheep

21 Sept 2 min read

Loving Him Almost Broke Me

I was fourteen when I first fell for him. He was seventeen, and to me he was the whole world. I didn't know then that I was starting a story that would take six years to break me. We were never simple. We would fall apart, drift, and somehow find our way back. But every time we broke, he would show up online with someone new, smiling in videos and photos on his status, as if I had never existed. I would sit there watching, heart in pieces, refreshing his page like a wound I refused to let heal. Then came December 2019. Something in me finally said enough. I told myself I had to move on, and for the first time I tried to mean it. That was when a man from Turkey found me online. He liked me, and it wasn't the careless kind of liking I had known. He talked to me every day and he cared. He became so attached that my own family got to know him. He showed me off to his friends like I was something precious. On paper, I had everything a broken heart could ask for. So why do I still feel like I'm dying inside? Because six weeks ago we stopped talking, and my heart never got the message. I still watch his page. Yesterday I saw his new girlfriend as his display picture, and it felt like being pushed under water. His sister, who has been like family to me, says he may not be serious with her. But he looks happy. Is that hope, or am I only lying to myself? Here is the part I rarely say out loud. In all our breakups, I'm usually the one who pulls us back together. His ego never lets him make the first move, and I have to admit that I hurt him badly once too. I believe true love shouldn't fail. And yet tonight I'm holding my phone with a message I want to send, and I can't tell whether it's courage or the same old mistake. So I'm asking you: do I text him and risk it all again, or do I finally let him go and choose the man who chooses me.