RelationshipsZCod

3 Sept 2 min read

I KNOW I HAVE TO LEAVE HER, BUT MY HEART IS NOT READY

I think I already know what I have to do. I have to break up with her. The hardest part is that this isn’t one of those relationships where you can simply pack your things, block someone and move on. We live together, and our best friend is also our roommate. So every day, I see the person I’m supposed to leave, and I pretend everything is still okay. But deep down, I am tired. Not ordinary tiredness. I mean the kind of exhaustion that sits inside your chest and makes you dread waking up. I’ve reached a point where I don’t even know whether I’m staying because I still love her or because I’m afraid of what happens when everything ends. The painful part is that I genuinely believed she was the one. I pictured a future with this woman. I defended the relationship when people questioned it. I overlooked things, sacrificed, communicated, forgave and tried again. I gave this relationship everything I had, and somehow, I still ended up feeling completely empty. There are days when we are in the same room and I feel more alone than I ever have. I look at her and remember all the beautiful moments we shared, then I remember how much pain I’ve been carrying quietly. Sometimes love doesn’t disappear suddenly. Sometimes it gets buried under disappointment, arguments, resentment and exhaustion until you realise you’re no longer fighting to save the relationship—you’re fighting to survive it. And now there’s another painful reality. When we finally break up, I’ll be leaving the country. I’m moving abroad, and honestly, part of me is relieved because distance might be the only thing that gives me enough space to heal. But another part of me is terrified. I’ll be leaving behind someone I once believed I would spend the rest of my life with. I keep asking myself how you say goodbye to someone you once called “my person.” How do you pack your belongings and walk away from a life you spent years building? I know I have to choose myself this time, but knowing the right thing to do doesn’t make it any easier. I’m exhausted. Soul-deep exhausted. I just want to leave, start again somewhere new and somehow find the version of myself I lost while trying so hard to make this relationship work. Have you ever had to walk away from someone you still loved because you knew staying was destroying you?