RelationshipsKeelHair

5 Aug 2 min read

Is It Normal for a Man to Compare His Girlfriend to His Mother?

I'm in my first serious relationship, and something my boyfriend said has been disturbing me ever since. A few days ago, he made a post that read: "Men are more likely to fall in love with women who have similar behaviors to their mothers." Out of curiosity, I asked him, "If that's true, then which of your mum's qualities do you see in me?" Instead of answering the question, he started listing all the ways I'm not like his mum. He said whenever we have misunderstandings, I'm too quick to talk about ending the relationship. According to him, whenever he and his mum have issues, she can't sleep until they've settled it because she loves him too much. Then he said his mum is transparent with him. He admitted that I'm transparent too, but quickly added, "Not like my mum." He also claimed I don't make decisions on my own. When I asked him to give me examples, he couldn't mention even one. I asked him what exactly makes him think I'm not transparent. He said I hide my emotions, that I'm respectful but too stubborn, while his mum is humble and soft-hearted. Then he said something that really broke me. He looked at me and said, "I love my mum so much. I just hope that one day you'll become like her." I told him calmly that his mum and I are two completely different people. She's his mother, and I'm his partner. We don't play the same role in his life. I tell this man almost everything. I tell him how my day went, what I'm thinking, what I'm struggling with, my plans, my fears... things I don't even tell other people. If that's not transparency, then I honestly don't know what is. But he still insisted. He said, "Your heart is not as clear as my mum's. I can't read you the way I can read her." Since then, I haven't been myself. This is my first relationship, and I've genuinely given it my best. I love him deeply, but now I keep wondering if I'll always be competing with the image of his mother in his mind. I decided not to argue any further because I didn't want the conversation to become ugly. But the truth is... his words have stayed with me. Am I really expected to become another version of his mother before I'll ever be enough?