Adulting 101PeachTwig

7 Sept 2 min read

I’m Everyone’s Friend, But Nobody’s Person

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding ungrateful, but I constantly feel alone—even when I’m surrounded by people. I can be sitting with friends, laughing and talking, yet somehow I still feel like I don’t really belong there. I feel like I’m always the third wheel in every friendship. People have their “person”—the friend they call first, gist with privately, make plans with, and naturally choose to spend time with. Somehow, I’m always the person on the outside looking in. I’m just the floater friend who can move between groups but doesn’t truly belong to any of them. The worst part is that I don’t even know who to tell. If I tell my friends, I’m scared they’ll think I’m being dramatic or needy. If I tell my family, I don’t think they would understand because lately, I’ve started feeling emotionally distant from them too. Sometimes I’m surrounded by people and still feel like nobody actually knows me. There are nights when I randomly wonder what would happen if I didn’t wake up the next morning. Not because I want to die—I genuinely value my life and I would never intentionally hurt myself. I just wonder whether anyone would really notice how much I’ve been struggling, or whether life would simply continue as if nothing happened. Then there’s dating. I’m not saying I’m the most handsome guy in Nigeria, but I don’t think I’m unattractive either. Yet whenever I try to get close to someone, nothing seems to happen. I watch people around me enter relationships, fall in love, break up, and start again, while I’m still wondering when someone will actually choose me. Whenever I ask for advice, I get the same tired answers: “Dating is overrated.” “Just focus on yourself.” “You’re still young.” “Your time will come.” But some of the same people giving me this advice were already in multiple relationships at my age. So why is it suddenly wrong for me to want the same thing? What frustrates me even more is when I honestly tell them how their advice makes me feel. Suddenly, they start backtracking and saying, “That’s not what I meant.” Maybe they mean well, but sometimes it feels hypocritical. I don’t need someone to convince me that relationships are unnecessary when what I’m actually saying is that I’m lonely. I just want to know if I’m the only one experiencing this. Have you ever felt like the person everyone likes but nobody actually chooses? Like you have friends, family and people around you, yet you still feel completely alone? And if you’ve been through it, how did you finally find people you genuinely felt belonged with?