MarriageGreatMink

4 Oct 3 min read

Choosing My Peace After Childbirth

When I was about to give birth, I told my husband I wanted my mother to come and stay with me after delivery. I knew I would need help, and I felt more comfortable having my own mother around during such a vulnerable period. But my husband refused. He insisted that his mother should come instead, saying she would take better care of me and the baby. I didn’t like the idea, but I agreed because I didn’t want our first days as parents to be filled with arguments. His mother came, but after just two weeks, she packed her things and left. According to her, I was lazy, I gave her a tough time, and I had left all the housework for her. What shocked me was that I had barely relied on her. She bathed the baby for about a week, and after that, I took over. I was doing most things myself. Interestingly, whenever my husband was around, she would suddenly become very helpful. But once he left, if the baby cried, she would leave the baby for me to attend to. Even at dawn, she only came for the baby when my husband was there to see it. My husband believed everything she told him and became angry with me. He said I had to apologize to his mother and beg her to come back because, according to him, if she left, there would be nobody to help me. I called his mother with my husband beside me, and the phone on loudspeaker. I calmly asked her, “Please, what exactly did I do wrong? Tell me so I can apologize.” I asked her to mention one thing I had done that made her conclude I was lazy or that I had deliberately left all the work for her. She couldn’t give me one clear example. Instead, she became angry and shouted, “You cannot come and interrogate me as if I’m your mate! Is it by force for me to take care of you?” Then she ended the call. I looked at my husband, expecting him to understand what had just happened, but he turned it against me. He said he never asked me to interrogate his mother. According to him, my only job was to apologize and beg her to return, regardless of whether I believed I had done anything wrong. I am now three months into motherhood, and I have been doing almost everything by myself. I have been taking care of my baby, dealing with the sleepless nights and handling the house despite still recovering from childbirth. I finally told my husband that I wanted to go to my mother’s house for some help. His response broke me. He said, “Go and come no more. Are you better than the women who do everything by themselves? You’re just lazy.” I didn’t argue with him. I simply started thinking about packing my things. Maybe I should have insisted on bringing my mother from the beginning. Maybe I should have ignored his anger and followed what I knew would make me comfortable after delivery. But right now, I am exhausted, hurt, and tired of being treated like asking for help makes me a bad wife. I want to go to my mother and get the support I need. If my husband truly tells me not to come back, then so be it. After everything that has happened, I honestly don't know whether I should still fight to stay or choose my peace and leave.