ConfessionsIreAlgae

26 Aug 3 min read

THE BRIDE PRICE THAT SCARED MY FIANCÉ AWAY—AGAIN

I believed I had finally found the man with whom I would spend the rest of my life. We had been dating for some time, met each other’s families, discussed marriage, and even begun making plans for our future. I am from Okrika in Rivers State, while he is from Osun State. We were aware of our cultural differences, but I never imagined they would ultimately threaten our relationship. When the marriage discussions formally began, his family visited mine. During that meeting, the issue of my bride price and other traditional marriage requirements was raised. I will be honest: the demands were substantial. They included drinks, food items, money, traditional obligations, and other items expected from his family. To my family, these were customary requirements. No one intended to place a price on me or make the marriage impossible. They simply wanted the marriage rites to be conducted properly according to our tradition. However, after the meeting, my fiancé became unusually quiet. At first, I assumed he was taking time to process everything. Soon afterward, he began expressing concern about the financial obligations. He said he had never encountered such demands before and that marrying someone from another state was becoming more expensive than he had anticipated. I tried to explain that some of the requirements could be negotiated. I even appealed to my family to reduce certain demands because I did not want financial considerations to come between us. But something in him had changed. One evening, he looked at me and said, “I love you, but I don't know if I can afford to marry you.” That statement deeply hurt me. This was the same man who had once promised that nothing would prevent us from getting married. We had discussed our wedding, our home, our children, and even where we would live. Now, a list of marriage requirements was causing him to reconsider the entire relationship. I asked him, “If the bride price is reduced, will you still marry me?” He could not give me a clear answer. That was when I became genuinely concerned. Perhaps the bride price was not the real issue. Perhaps it had simply revealed that he was not as prepared for marriage as I had believed. Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened to me. This is the second time a man I loved has started moving away after meeting my family and hearing about the traditional marriage requirements. The first time, I thought the relationship had failed because we were simply not meant to be. I cried, healed, and eventually opened my heart again. But now, I am beginning to wonder if I am the problem. Am I unknowingly chasing men away? Is my family asking for too much? Or are the men I choose simply not prepared to stand by me when marriage becomes real? I feel confused, ashamed, and emotionally exhausted. I do not know whether to defend my family’s traditions, plead with them to reduce the demands, or step back and allow my fiancé to leave. Every option feels painful. My family insists that I should not plead with a man to marry me. His family believes that my people are making excessive demands. Now I find myself caught between both sides, wondering whether I should fight for the man I love or accept that this marriage may already be over. I am terrified of losing him, but I am also afraid of losing myself by begging someone to choose me. Was my family wrong to insist on our traditional marriage requirements, or was my fiancé justified in walking away because he could not afford them? Since this is the second time a man has been scared away by the same issue, should I ask my family to significantly reduce the demands in an effort to save the relationship, or should I accept that the right man would not be discouraged by them?