FamilyRoseSus

2d ago 2 min read

Why Doesn’t My Mother Love Me?

A mother’s love is supposed to feel unconditional, safe, forgiving and peaceful. But sometimes, the person who should make you feel most loved becomes the person who hurts you the most. I am 19 years old, and lately, I keep asking myself one painful question: Why doesn’t my mother love me? My mother curses me whenever she is angry. She embarrasses me in front of people and says things about me that I wish I could erase from their memories. It doesn’t seem to matter to her that I am growing up and becoming old enough to understand the things she says. One day, she told a boy (my secondary school classmate) who was simply passing by that I still wet the bed at my age. I was so ashamed that I wanted the ground to open and swallow me, bed wetting is a major issue I am having problem with and my mom uses as a mocking spree. She also tells people that I am dull and that I am a thief. The painful part is that I know I am none of those things. It feels like my mother is always looking for a way to attach something shameful to my name. No matter where we are or who is around, she somehow finds a way to embarrass me. I have started feeling very alone. I don't know who I can talk to because I am scared that my uncles or aunties will not believe me or will think I am exaggerating. Sometimes I even wonder if they will look at me differently for speaking about my own mother. Thankfully, I am not in physical danger. But emotionally, I am tired. I am tired of being insulted, embarrassed and made to feel like I am not good enough. I don't want to fight my mother. I don't want to hate her. She is still my mother, and a part of me desperately wants her love and approval. I just want to know what I can do to make things better between us. How can I get on my mother's good side and make her see me differently? Or is there something I am doing wrong without realizing it?