Adulting 101Anonymous

3d ago 2 min read

I Trusted Him With My Body, and He Turned It Into a Joke

I said no to him for a whole year. He was in 400 level, I was in 100, and something about the way he moved didn't sit right with me. He kept coming anyway. Last semester, I was tired of saying no, and I gave him a chance. At first, it was good. He was proud to walk with me, proud to say I was his. I felt chosen. But he was impulsive. Anytime something upset him, I became the place he emptied it. His anger, his moods, his bad days, all of it landed on me. I nearly walked away once. He begged, promised to change, and I stayed, because I wanted to believe him. Then I trusted him with my body. And he started making sarcastic comments, even in our most private moments. Small jabs at first. I laughed them off, then went quiet. They stayed with me long after he'd forgotten them. The last time we met, I finally said it. "Your comments hurt me. If you do it again, I'm leaving." He looked at me and laughed. "Don't you take jokes?" That was when I understood something. He wasn't sorry. He just thought I was too sensitive. So I stepped back, hoping space would make him think. I went home for the holidays. He kept messaging me, but every message was about one thing, and it was never about me. I gave him nothing. Then one day he messaged, pretending to check on me. Within minutes, he was mocking my body. He said it wasn't "normal," that it didn't change anything, that it just looked funny and wasn't needed. I stared at my phone for a long time. I didn't cry that day. I cried for weeks after. I used to love getting dressed. Now I avoid mirrors. I stopped replying to my friends. Some mornings, I don't want to leave my bed. I've been carrying this quietly, and it's been heavy. But here is what I'm slowly learning. I told him the truth about how I felt, and he mocked me for it. That says everything about him and nothing about me. A man who loves you doesn't make you feel ashamed of your body. And if he does, he never deserved to see it. I'm not healed yet. But I'm trying to be gentle with myself again. Have you ever been made to feel ashamed of your body by someone who was supposed to love you? How did you find your confidence again?