ConfessionsMistyLarva

5 Sept 2 min read

I JUST REALIZED THAT EVEN IN SS2, I HAVE NO LIFE 😭

I’m in SS2 and I recently realized that my entire life is basically on repeat. I wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, get ready for school, attend classes, come back home, eat lunch, wash plates, do assignments, eat dinner, then sleep. The next day, I wake up and do the exact same thing again. Sometimes I just lie on my bed at night wondering if this is really what being in SS2 is supposed to feel like. I’m not allowed to go anywhere by myself. I can’t just tell my parents, “I’m going to buy ice cream,” and leave the house. I can’t go to the park, visit someone, stroll around the neighbourhood, or even go to a nearby shop unless there is an adult involved. Once school closes, it’s straight home. No unnecessary movement. No “I’m going to see my friend.” Nothing. And the worst part is that I DON’T EVEN HAVE FRIENDS. None from school. None from church. None from extracurricular activities. Nobody I randomly met and exchanged numbers with. Nobody I can call when I’m bored. Nobody I can text at night and say, “Are you awake?” I genuinely have nobody. Normally when people say, “I have no friends,” they still have that one best friend, two classmates they gist with and maybe a whole WhatsApp group. Me? Zero. If I lost my phone tomorrow, there is honestly nobody I would be expecting to call me asking where I am. The embarrassing part is that I don’t even know how friendships work anymore. I don’t know what to text someone after saying “Hi.” I don’t know how to keep a conversation going or how often I’m supposed to check on somebody. The last friendship I actually had to maintain was when I was in primary school, and back then maintaining a friendship simply meant seeing each other every day, playing outside and doing nonsense together. Sometimes I see people in my class or people my age outside laughing, going to eateries, visiting each other, taking pictures, attending birthday parties and just enjoying themselves, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I’m only in SS2, but I already feel like I’ve missed out on the part of life where you’re supposed to make memories. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but honestly, I feel pathetic. I’m scared that if things continue like this, I’ll grow up without knowing how to socialize, make friends or even enjoy my own life. Is it normal to feel this lonely in SS2, or am I already wasting some of the years I’m supposed to be making memories?