ConfessionsEarlyFeral

31 Jul 2 min read

My Parents Are Waiting for My NYSC Call-Up... They Don't Know I Failed

I still become emotional whenever I look at my graduation photographs, because they are based on a false impression. My final results have been released, and I did not pass two compulsory courses. Only those two courses stand between me and my degree. Instead of graduating with my peers, I was informed that I would need to return in the next academic session to retake them. I was deeply devastated. Before I had time to fully process the situation, my parents had already begun informing others that I had completed university. My mother expressed gratitude every morning. My father called relatives to share the “good news.” Our church announced my graduation during testimony service. My uncles and aunties began sending congratulatory messages and credit alerts. On the day I returned home, my family slaughtered a goat in celebration. Neighbours were invited to eat. Everyone kept saying, “Our graduate is finally here.” They have also begun discussing my NYSC, expressing anticipation for my service year and imagining my posting, as well as how proud they will be when I wear the uniform. I smiled in every photograph. I expressed gratitude to everyone. I accepted every gift. But internally, I felt like a complete fraud. Now, every morning I dress as though I am going for job interviews. My parents believe I am searching for employment, but in reality I am returning to campus to meet lecturers, register my carryovers, and work towards passing the two remaining courses. The most difficult part is the pressure. Every week, someone asks, “Have you found a job yet?” My parents proudly introduce me as a graduate, and I force a smile because I lack the courage to tell them the truth. They also continue to mention NYSC, encouraging me to prepare because they are expecting me to begin service. The guilt is overwhelming. I am afraid they will feel betrayed after everything they did to celebrate me. I am afraid of disappointing those who sacrificed so much to fund my education. But I am even more afraid that they may find out from someone else before I am able to tell them myself. I do not know how much longer I can continue pretending.