Adulting 101BlueFelix

20 Jul 3 min read

My Faith Was Strong, But My Heart Was Tired

I grew up believing that if you feared God, worked hard, and stayed away from trouble, life would somehow reward you. That was what my parents taught me. So I did my best. I stayed away from cultism when many of my classmates joined because they wanted protection and quick connections. I refused internet fraud even when some of my friends started making more money than their parents. I served faithfully in church, paid my tithes, volunteered in every program, and genuinely believed that if I remained obedient, God would surely make a way. After graduating from university, I thought my testimony was around the corner. Months turned into years. Every morning became the same routine—sending CVs, attending interviews, praying, fasting, and hearing, "We'll get back to you." Nobody ever got back to me. I watched people I knew who barely attended lectures secure jobs because their uncle knew someone. Others left the country. Some started businesses with family support. I had none of that. At one point, I started asking God questions I never thought I would ask. "Lord, have You forgotten me?" "What exactly am I doing wrong?" "There are people who don't even acknowledge You, yet everything seems to be working for them. Why is my own story different?" The hardest part wasn't being broke. It was pretending to be okay. Going to church and smiling. Telling people, "God is in control," while wondering in my heart if He could still hear my prayers. Relatives started asking uncomfortable questions. "So you're still looking for work?" "When are you going to settle down?" "Maybe you need to pray harder." As if I wasn't already praying until I fell asleep. There was a day I had only ₦700 left in my account. I remember kneeling beside my bed that night and saying, "God, I don't even have the strength to ask for anything anymore. If You are still with me, please don't let me lose my faith." That was the shortest prayer I had ever prayed. Nothing happened immediately. There was no miracle the next morning. No alert. No phone call. But something changed inside me. For the first time, I stopped treating God like a vending machine where I inserted prayers expecting instant answers. I began reading the stories of people in the Bible differently. Almost everyone God used went through seasons of waiting, disappointment, and silence before their breakthrough came. Months later, someone I hadn't spoken to in almost three years called me unexpectedly. He told me a position had opened in his company and asked if I was still searching for work. Today, I have a stable job. Looking back, I won't tell you that every prayer was answered exactly the way I wanted. Life still has its challenges. But one lesson changed my entire perspective: God's delays are painful, but they are not proof of God's absence. Sometimes He is preparing your character before He changes your circumstances. Sometimes the blessing you are asking for requires a version of you that hasn't been built yet. If you're reading this and you're in that season where heaven feels silent, don't throw away your faith because your breakthrough hasn't arrived yet. The same God who kept me through my waiting season is still able to keep you through yours. My question is this: Has there ever been a time when you almost gave up on God, but later realized He was working behind the scenes? What happened? Your testimony might be exactly what someone else needs to read today.