FamilySilverJay

10 Aug 2 min read

MY BABY MAMA HAS TURNED MY LIFE INTO A NIGHTMARE

I have a four-year-old daughter with a woman I was never able to marry. The breakup is complicated, but I have always accepted my responsibility as a father. From birth, I made sure my daughter and her mother were supported. I provided monthly upkeep, paid school fees, and covered extra costs like medical bills and clothing without hesitation. Later, her mother suggested I stop monthly support and instead invest in a business for her so she could become independent. It sounded reasonable, so I agreed and invested over ₦200,000,000 into a provision shop she proposed. I stayed involved, continued paying school fees, and still supported my daughter financially. However, within a year, the business collapsed. I later discovered funds may have been mismanaged, which caused serious trust issues between us. Despite this, I later agreed to fund her hairdressing and makeup training and helped set up another beauty business, even sourcing equipment from China to reduce costs. Unfortunately, that business also failed. Over time, I became reluctant to give direct cash because of repeated failures and lack of accountability. I now prefer paying school fees and buying essentials directly. This has still not reduced conflict. I am often pressured for money and made to feel unappreciated despite years of support. Because of this, I began considering custody of my daughter. I cannot provide full-time care due to work, but my aunt would act as primary caregiver while I handle all financial responsibilities and remain involved. When her mother found out, she threatened me spiritually and said she would “end my life” if I pursued custody, She's from Oron and I have heard all lot of spiritual things about that place. I have also received legal threats from her cousin, who is a lawyer. I initially ignored these, but the situation feels increasingly hostile. I want a legal resolution and stability for my daughter. My question is: is it realistic to get custody if my aunt provides day-to-day care while I fund everything and remain active in my daughter’s life? I do not want to cut her mother out, only to ensure stability and reduce conflict and financial pressure. At this point, I feel stuck. If I pay directly, there is conflict. If I stop, I am seen as irresponsible. If I pursue custody, I face threats. There is a child in the middle of all this. What would you do in my position?