ConfessionsFunnyRaven

30 Aug 2 min read

I’m Young, But I’m Already Tired.

I’m a girl in my early teens, and honestly, I don’t think anyone around me knows how much I’m struggling. Everyone just sees me normally. I go about my day, laugh when something is funny, reply to messages and act okay. But deep down, I feel like I’m fighting so many things alone. Sometimes I just want to go back to when life was simple. When the biggest problem was doing assignment, getting punished for coming home late or arguing with my siblings. Now I’m here wondering how I got to the point where my own mind feels like one of the hardest places to be. I’ve been feeling really low for a while now, and anxiety has made everything worse. I overthink almost everything. Small things can stay in my head for hours, and sometimes I worry about things that haven't even happened yet. My mind just doesn't seem to know how to rest. And honestly, because I'm still young, I sometimes feel like nobody would take me seriously if I opened up. In Nigeria, people can easily say, "What do you even know about depression at your age?" or "You're too young to be thinking like this." But being young doesn't mean I can't be struggling. There's also something I'm really ashamed of admitting. I've developed a habit of watching pornography, and I feel stuck in a cycle I don't know how to break. Afterwards, I feel guilty and disappointed in myself, then I promise myself I'll stop, but sometimes I find myself going back again. I don't know who I can talk to without being judged or shouted at. Sleep is another problem. Most nights, I barely sleep properly. I can be tired, but once I lie down, my brain suddenly wants to remember every embarrassing thing I've ever done and every problem in my life 😭. Before I know it, it's late and I'm still awake, scrolling, thinking and feeling overwhelmed. The crazy part is that I could literally be around people all day and still feel completely alone. I wonder if anyone would notice if I stopped pretending to be okay. Would they actually care, or would they just tell me to pray more, stop overthinking and be grateful because other people have bigger problems? I don't even know exactly what I need anymore. Maybe I just want someone to listen without judging me or making me feel like I'm being dramatic. If you're a teenager going through something similar, how do you deal with it? And how do you finally tell someone that you're not okay when you've spent so much time convincing everyone that you are?