I Raised Children While I Was Still a Child
I started raising my siblings when I was in Grade 5. At an age when most children were worrying about homework and playing with friends, I was learning how to make baby bottles, change nappies and comfort crying children. If there was no milk, I would make tea for the baby. If there were no pampers, I would improvise with pieces of cloth. I was still a child myself, but somehow I always had to find a way. Every morning, I would take my younger siblings to crèche before going to primary school because my mother had already left for work. When school ended, I would return home to hungry children and responsibilities waiting for me. I had to cook, clean, feed them and make sure they were okay. Looking back now, I realise that I was forced to grow up long before I was ready. I carried responsibilities that should never have belonged to a Grade 5 child. Even now, as an adult, it still hasn’t ended. Once you start working, the expectations continue. You must send money home because your siblings need food, clothes, school supplies and help with everyday life. The role never really stops. It simply changes. What hurts the most is when people tell me, “You don’t know what it’s like to be a parent. You were only a guardian.” But I was a parent. I cooked meals, cleaned the house, changed nappies, prepared bottles, picked children up after school, made sure they ate and slept, and shared a bed with them when they were scared. I did things that children should never have been responsible for. I didn’t just watch over my siblings — I raised them. Sometimes I wonder whether I truly do not want children of my own, or whether a part of me feels that I have already spent a lifetime raising children. I love my siblings deeply and I would do it all again for them, but there is also a quiet sadness inside me. Sometimes I wish someone had remembered that I was a child too, and that I also needed care, protection and the chance to simply be young. That is the part of the story people rarely see — the child who became a parent before ever getting the chance to just be a child. 💔
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My dear, you are a full parent. Your story is so similar to mine. And guess what? I raised my son alone. He is now 16 years old, and people are always asking me to give him a sibling. Guys, I am not ready. I can't. I don't even think I will ever be ready. Raising a child without enough support is extremely draining. I started raising children through my older sibling's kids, but where were they when it was my turn to need help? "That one loves children. She does so well with them." "We were even worried she would never have children of her own because she has raised so many children. She should open a creche." "She should at least have another child because she knows how to raise children well." "She is strong. Even children love her." God! Without any shame, that is what they say. The truth is, I am not emotionally or financially ready for another child. I am still raising my younger sister's child, and these children seem to want me more than they want their own parents. Even when I want to say no to babysitting, the look on their faces breaks my heart. Once it is a holiday or weekend, these people simply drop their children with me and go on with their lives, while I can't even rest for an hour. And do they bring everything the children need? I wish they did. I am unemployed, yet they don't help me with anything. They don't even buy my son a pair of shoes, but they make decisions on their own and simply come and drop their children with me. Where were they when I was struggling alone to raise my son? I have raised so many children that I have lost count. I started doing this when I was only 10 years old, and honestly, I am exhausted. Even if I ever decide to have another child, I don't think I would have more than one. I am almost 40, unmarried, and if I ever get married, I want a healthy marriage, not just any marriage. As for having another child, I honestly don't want one. That is my prayer to God.
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