Adulting 101

Adulting 101PeachTwig🇳🇬

7 Sept

I’m Everyone’s Friend, But Nobody’s Person

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding ungrateful, but I constantly feel alone—even when I’m surrounded by people. I can be sitting with friends, laughing and talking, yet somehow I still feel like I don’t really belong there. I feel like I’m always the third wheel in every friendship. People have their “person”—the friend they call first, gist with privately, make plans with, and naturally choose to spend time with. Somehow, I’m always the person on the outside looking in. I’m just the floater friend who can move between groups but doesn’t truly belong to any of them. The worst part is that I don’t even know who to tell. If I tell my friends, I’m scared they’ll think I’m being dramatic or needy. If I tell my family, I don’t think they would understand because lately, I’ve started feeling emotionally distant from them too. Sometimes I’m surrounded by people and still feel like nobody actually knows me. There are nights when I randomly wonder what would happen if I didn’t wake up the next morning. Not because I want to die—I genuinely value my life and I would never intentionally hurt myself. I just wonder whether anyone would really notice how much I’ve been struggling, or whether life would simply continue as if nothing happened. Then there’s dating. I’m not saying I’m the most handsome guy in Nigeria, but I don’t think I’m unattractive either. Yet whenever I try to get close to someone, nothing seems to happen. I watch people around me enter relationships, fall in love, break up, and start again, while I’m still wondering when someone will actually choose me. Whenever I ask for advice, I get the same tired answers: “Dating is overrated.” “Just focus on yourself.” “You’re still young.” “Your time will come.” But some of the same people giving me this advice were already in multiple relationships at my age. So why is it suddenly wrong for me to want the same thing? What frustrates me even more is when I honestly tell them how their advice makes me feel. Suddenly, they start backtracking and saying, “That’s not what I meant.” Maybe they mean well, but sometimes it feels hypocritical. I don’t need someone to convince me that relationships are unnecessary when what I’m actually saying is that I’m lonely. I just want to know if I’m the only one experiencing this. Have you ever felt like the person everyone likes but nobody actually chooses? Like you have friends, family and people around you, yet you still feel completely alone? And if you’ve been through it, how did you finally find people you genuinely felt belonged with?

Adulting 101StrayWolf🇳🇬

27 Aug

The Day My Own Friends Tried to Take My Life

I have carried this story within me for more than 10 years, but I have never truly found the courage to share it with anyone. Perhaps some memories are so painful that, even after the danger has passed, the fear remains deeply rooted within us. I had a difficult childhood, and over time, I found myself surrounded by the wrong people. I became involved with individuals associated with cultism, and before I fully understood what was happening, I was deeply immersed in that lifestyle. I smoked, drank, engaged in fights, and became comfortable in the company of people from whom I should have kept my distance. I will not disclose the name of the cult group, but nearly all of my childhood friends were high-ranking members of various cult groups. Because I was constantly in their company, people became afraid of me as well. I developed a reputation in my community that I had not necessarily earned through my own actions, but which was largely shaped by the company I kept. Looking back, I realize that I was associating with people who had normalized violence. At the time, I believed I was simply demonstrating loyalty to my friends and enjoying the respect that came with being feared. I did not understand that the same people I considered friends could eventually become the people I would have to flee from to save my life. The incident in Owerri is something I do not believe I will ever forget. A minor misunderstanding escalated into something far more serious than I could have imagined. Two of my friends confronted me, and I suddenly found myself surrounded by people I had once trusted. One of them shouted, “Capo say make we cut him ears bring come.” Before I could process what was happening, he raised a machete and swung it at me. I managed to dodge, but the blade still struck my shoulder. The pain was immediate. He attacked again, and instinctively, I raised my hands to protect myself. I was fighting for my life without knowing whether I would survive the next few seconds. Then I heard a gunshot. The other man had shot his own companion. Everything became silent in my mind. For what felt like two minutes, I was completely disoriented. It was as though my spirit had left my body and was observing the scene from a distance. When I finally regained awareness, fear took over. I ran without looking back. I did not care about my belongings, my reputation, or anything else; I only wanted to survive. However, escaping the scene did not mean I was safe. Somehow, the story that spread throughout the community was that I had killed the man. Suddenly, the police were searching for me. Rival cult groups were searching for me. Community vigilantes were searching for me. I had become a wanted man for a crime I had not committed. People who once knew me were now afraid to associate with me. I could not move freely, and every unfamiliar face made me wonder whether someone had come to find me. I lived with the constant fear that the next person who approached me might be there to end my life. Eventually, I made one of the most important decisions of my life. I left Owerri and moved to Ibadan to begin again. I did not merely change my location; I had to change myself. For the first time, I began to understand how close I had come to losing my life. I started viewing life differently. I distanced myself from cultism, avoided the people and environments that could draw me back into that world, and began directing my energy toward building a future rather than proving how tough I was. Sometimes I reflect on that day and wonder what might have happened if I had not dodged the first machete, if I had not raised my hands the second time, or if the gunshot had taken a different direction. I could have died. I could have been imprisoned for a crime I did not commit. My family could have been mourning me today because of a lifestyle I once considered normal. To every young person reading this, please understand that cultism does not represent strength, brotherhood, respect, or a legitimate path to success. It can destroy your future before you fully realize what is happening. The people you consider your brothers today may not hesitate to harm you tomorrow when their interests change. If you are already involved, reconsider your choices while you still have the opportunity. Walk away. Seek support from trusted individuals, distance yourself from that environment, and choose life. You are not obligated to remain the person your past created. I was fortunate to receive another chance, but not everyone does.

Adulting 101CoastHorse🇳🇬

30 Aug

I Feel Like I’m Competing With My Best Friend Without Her Even Knowing

I honestly hate admitting this because she’s my best friend, and I love her, but sometimes I feel so jealous of her that it physically drains me. I’ll be sitting beside her, laughing with her and acting completely normal, while deep down I’m comparing every single thing about myself to her. The worst part is that she hasn’t even done anything wrong. She’s literally just existing, and somehow that makes me feel like I’m not enough. My best friend is everything I wish I could be. She’s beautiful, outgoing, smart, confident, and people naturally seem drawn to her. Everywhere we go, someone wants to talk to her. She can start a conversation with a complete stranger and somehow, within minutes, they already love her. Meanwhile, I’m standing there wondering when to speak, what to say, and whether I’m making myself look stupid. Sometimes I feel embarrassed standing next to her, and I hate myself for even thinking that way. She’s so naturally slim while I constantly feel uncomfortable and insecure about my own body. When we're together, I become painfully aware of every little thing about myself that I normally try not to think about. It feels like people are comparing us, even when they probably aren't. And it’s not just her looks. It feels like she's naturally good at everything. She understands things quickly, knows how to behave around people, and somehow makes everything look effortless. Meanwhile, I feel like I have to struggle just to do basic things other people seem to do without thinking. Talking to people is especially hard for me. I can rehearse a sentence in my head ten times and still end up saying something awkward. The jealousy is becoming exhausting because I don't actually want to hate her. She's my best friend. I want to be happy for her when people compliment her, when she makes new friends, and when everything seems to be going well for her. But sometimes, instead of feeling happy, I just feel this painful voice inside me asking, “Why can't I be like that too?” I know comparison is probably making everything worse, but I genuinely don't know how to stop. The more I try not to compare myself to her, the more I notice the differences between us. I start questioning why she seems to have everything I struggle to get. Why does being myself feel so difficult when being her seems so easy? Has anyone else ever been jealous of someone they genuinely love? How do you stop comparing yourself to your best friend without ruining the friendship or secretly resenting them? Because this feeling is honestly eating me alive, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm competing with someone who doesn't even know there's a competition.

Adulting 101OliveGrass🇳🇬

30 Aug

I’m Tired of Pretending I’m Fine… This Anxiety Is Slowly Taking Over My Life

I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this. Every single day feels like I’m fighting a battle inside my own body that nobody else can see. One minute I’m okay, and the next minute my heart is racing, my hands are shaking, and I’m overwhelmed by fear for no reason I can even explain. The worst part? I’m young, so sometimes I wonder if people will even take me seriously. You know how Nigerians can be. The moment you say you’re struggling mentally, somebody will tell you to “stop thinking too much”, pray harder, or remind you that other people have bigger problems. But this doesn't feel like ordinary worrying anymore. I’m constantly tense. Constantly scared. Constantly waiting for something bad to happen. Sometimes I just want to experience one full day without feeling like my body is permanently stuck in panic mode. There was a time I took medication that made me feel calm, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again. I remember thinking, “So this is how other people feel every day?” Peaceful. Normal. Able to breathe without constantly feeling afraid. But I don't want to start taking things on my own just because I'm desperate to escape how I feel. And honestly, there are times I've made unhealthy choices just because I wanted the anxiety to stop for a while. Not because I want to destroy my life, but because I desperately wanted a break from the constant fear inside my head. The saddest part of everything is that I can't even talk freely to my mum about it. Because deep down, a huge part of what I'm struggling with started from home. Imagine needing comfort from the same person you feel contributed to the pain you're carrying. Imagine living with someone and constantly feeling anxious because of the things that have happened between you. I love my mum, but I'm also hurting. And I’m tired. Tired of shaking. Tired of overthinking. Tired of pretending I'm okay around everyone. Tired of being scared of my own feelings. I don't even know exactly what is wrong with me, and I don't want to keep diagnosing myself from things I see online. I just know that this isn't normal for me anymore, and I wish I could talk to someone who would actually listen without judging me. Maybe someone out there has felt this way too. How did you finally speak up when the person you needed to talk to was also part of the reason you were hurting?

Adulting 101PeachTwig🇳🇬

30 Jul

I Started Living the Day I Killed My Sense of Entitlement

For years, I lived with silent resentment. I believed my parents were obligated to rescue me simply because they brought me into this world. I believed my siblings should support me unconditionally because we shared the same blood. Whenever they said “no,” forgot about me, or prioritized someone else, I felt deeply betrayed. I kept a mental record of every sacrifice I made for them and every favor that was not returned. I convinced myself they owed me love, financial support, opportunities, and constant availability. The painful truth was this: That mindset kept me stagnant. One evening, after yet another disappointment, I sat alone and questioned why I was constantly waiting for others to save me. That moment marked a turning point. I came to understand that no one actually owed me anything. Not my parents. They had already spent years feeding, clothing, and raising me to the best of their ability. Not my siblings. They had their own responsibilities, families, and challenges to manage. Expecting them to solve my problems only deepened my frustration and resentment. That realization was more difficult to accept than any personal setback I had experienced. But it was also liberating. I stopped waiting for calls that never came. I stopped expecting financial assistance. I stopped taking it personally when others were unable to show up for me. Instead, I began taking responsibility for my own life. I developed new skills. I worked with greater discipline. I acknowledged and appreciated small progress. I stopped comparing my journey to anyone else’s. Now, when someone helps me, I receive it with genuine gratitude, recognizing it as an act of kindness rather than an obligation. And when they cannot help, I no longer interpret it as rejection. Ironically, the less I expected from others, the healthier my relationships became. The resentment faded. The peace I had been searching for finally arrived. Today, I can honestly say my life changed the day I let go of entitlement and began creating my own opportunities. If you are reading this while waiting for someone to change your life, consider this your sign. True freedom often begins the moment you stop believing the world owes you anything.

Adulting 101BlueFelix🇳🇬

20 Jul

My Faith Was Strong, But My Heart Was Tired

I grew up believing that if you feared God, worked hard, and stayed away from trouble, life would somehow reward you. That was what my parents taught me. So I did my best. I stayed away from cultism when many of my classmates joined because they wanted protection and quick connections. I refused internet fraud even when some of my friends started making more money than their parents. I served faithfully in church, paid my tithes, volunteered in every program, and genuinely believed that if I remained obedient, God would surely make a way. After graduating from university, I thought my testimony was around the corner. Months turned into years. Every morning became the same routine—sending CVs, attending interviews, praying, fasting, and hearing, "We'll get back to you." Nobody ever got back to me. I watched people I knew who barely attended lectures secure jobs because their uncle knew someone. Others left the country. Some started businesses with family support. I had none of that. At one point, I started asking God questions I never thought I would ask. "Lord, have You forgotten me?" "What exactly am I doing wrong?" "There are people who don't even acknowledge You, yet everything seems to be working for them. Why is my own story different?" The hardest part wasn't being broke. It was pretending to be okay. Going to church and smiling. Telling people, "God is in control," while wondering in my heart if He could still hear my prayers. Relatives started asking uncomfortable questions. "So you're still looking for work?" "When are you going to settle down?" "Maybe you need to pray harder." As if I wasn't already praying until I fell asleep. There was a day I had only ₦700 left in my account. I remember kneeling beside my bed that night and saying, "God, I don't even have the strength to ask for anything anymore. If You are still with me, please don't let me lose my faith." That was the shortest prayer I had ever prayed. Nothing happened immediately. There was no miracle the next morning. No alert. No phone call. But something changed inside me. For the first time, I stopped treating God like a vending machine where I inserted prayers expecting instant answers. I began reading the stories of people in the Bible differently. Almost everyone God used went through seasons of waiting, disappointment, and silence before their breakthrough came. Months later, someone I hadn't spoken to in almost three years called me unexpectedly. He told me a position had opened in his company and asked if I was still searching for work. Today, I have a stable job. Looking back, I won't tell you that every prayer was answered exactly the way I wanted. Life still has its challenges. But one lesson changed my entire perspective: God's delays are painful, but they are not proof of God's absence. Sometimes He is preparing your character before He changes your circumstances. Sometimes the blessing you are asking for requires a version of you that hasn't been built yet. If you're reading this and you're in that season where heaven feels silent, don't throw away your faith because your breakthrough hasn't arrived yet. The same God who kept me through my waiting season is still able to keep you through yours. My question is this: Has there ever been a time when you almost gave up on God, but later realized He was working behind the scenes? What happened? Your testimony might be exactly what someone else needs to read today.

Adulting 101MildDog🇳🇬

12 Jul

Nobody Warned Me That Adulthood Would Feel This Lonely.

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to become an adult. I thought adulthood meant freedom—no more asking for permission, no school stress, no one telling me what to do. I imagined having my own money, my own apartment, and finally living life on my own terms. Now I'm 31, and I honestly wish someone had told me the truth. Nobody told me that being an adult means pretending you're okay when your account balance says otherwise. Nobody told me I'd spend most of my salary paying bills, rent, electricity, transport, and helping family, only to realize I have almost nothing left for myself. People think I'm doing well because I smile, dress nicely, and post happy moments online. The truth is, I've cried more in the last two years than I ever did as a child. The pressure never ends. If you're not married, people ask why. If you're married, they ask when you're having children. If you have children, they ask why you're not building a house. If you build a house, they ask why you haven't bought a new car. It feels like adulthood is one endless race where the finish line keeps moving. Friendships have changed too. Everyone is busy trying to survive. The friends I used to talk to every day now take weeks to reply. Some disappeared completely. It's hard to know who genuinely cares anymore. The hardest part is carrying everyone's expectations while silently fighting your own battles. My parents think I have everything under control. My younger siblings believe I have unlimited money. My colleagues think I'm successful. Nobody knows there are nights I can't sleep because I'm wondering how I'll make it through the next month. Sometimes I sit in my room and ask myself, "Is this really what life is supposed to be?" I'm grateful to be alive, but I didn't expect adulthood to feel so heavy. I miss the days when happiness was as simple as eating my favorite meal or playing with friends until sunset. Maybe I'm not the only one feeling this way. Has adulthood turned out to be different from what you expected? What's the hardest lesson you've learned since becoming an adult?

Adulting 101MildDog🇳🇬

5 Jul

I Don't Know What I'm Doing With My Life

I don't even know how to explain this feeling. From the outside, my life probably looks normal. I wake up. Go to work. Reply messages. Smile when people talk to me. Come back home. Sleep. Then repeat everything again. But inside... I feel completely lost. When I was younger, I thought by now I would have everything figured out. A good career. Financial stability. Maybe a family. Maybe my own house. Instead, I feel like everyone else is moving forward while I'm standing still. Every time I open social media, someone is buying a new car. Someone is getting married. Someone is relocating abroad. Someone is building a house. Someone is celebrating another achievement. And then there's me... Just trying to survive another month. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the problem. Maybe I didn't work hard enough. Maybe I made the wrong decisions. Maybe I wasted too much time chasing things that were never meant for me. The hardest part is pretending everything is okay. Whenever people ask me, "So... what's the plan?" I honestly don't know. Whenever my parents ask, "When are we celebrating your own success?" I just smile and change the topic. Some nights I can't even sleep because my mind keeps asking the same questions. Am I behind in life? Did I miss my opportunity? Is everyone else really doing better than me... Or am I just comparing my real life to other people's highlights? I still have dreams. I haven't given up. But if I'm being honest... I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just keep hoping one day things will finally make sense. Has anyone else ever felt like this? If you eventually found your direction in life... What changed for you?

Adulting 101MildDog🇳🇬

4 Jul

I Don't Have a Single Friend Anymore

I never thought I would get to this stage in my life. I'm in my early 30s, and if I'm being honest, I don't have a single friend anymore. Not one. It's strange because growing up, I was always surrounded by people. Secondary school gave me friends I thought would be in my life forever. University came with another set of amazing people. During NYSC, I even met people I called family. Back then, my phone never stopped ringing. Weekends were always booked. There was always somewhere to go or someone to gist with. Today... My phone can stay silent for days. The WhatsApp groups that used to be active are now almost dead. Everyone is busy chasing life. Some have relocated. Some got married. Some became parents. Some simply stopped reaching out. At first, I blamed them. Then I realized I wasn't reaching out either. Somewhere between work, paying bills, family responsibilities and trying to survive in this economy, I also became unavailable. Now, if I have good news, I honestly don't know who to call first. If something bad happens, I mostly deal with it alone. The funny thing is that when people see me outside, they probably think I have plenty of friends because I smile and joke around. But once I get home... It's just me. Sometimes I scroll through my contacts wondering who I can call without feeling like I'm disturbing them. Then I lock my phone again. I know loneliness isn't something many people talk about, especially as adults. Everyone is expected to be "doing fine." But the truth is... Making friends as an adult feels much harder than anyone prepared me for. So I want to ask... Is this just part of growing older? Or has anyone else found themselves with no real friends anymore? How did you handle it?

Adulting 101MildDog🇳🇬

1 Jul

How Often Do You Think About Death?

How often do you think about death? Lately, I found myself thinking about death, not like in a bad way, but I can't help but to remember friends long gone. Like young bloods that had dreams like me. I remember one was, we meet during NYSC, nice guy, he even came to my birthday that year. After NYSC while I was celebrating a milestone, little did I know he was battling for his life. Funny enough he reached out then, short conversation but it was all joke and the next thing I was seeing RIP everywhere. What about my Bossom friend, we did secondary school together and spend every other day together. I remember driving my uncle's car to a different state because of him without no license on us, reckless lol. Back in secondary school he was a cultist but ensured I never joined. I went on to university and he didn't and we kinda grew apart, he passed on last year, just like that. Had headache, slept and didn't wake up. I think of them not to be sad, but to remind myself how fragile life really is. One minute we're here, chasing dreams and making plans. The next minute, we're a memory. If there's anything this life has taught me, it's this: be kind. None of us knows how much time we have left.

Adulting 101MildDog

14 Jun

How Do I Make It in This Life?

I'm happy to be here. I saw your advert and decided to join because I like the platform. But to be honest, all these relationship topics no really dey touch me. What I really want to know is this: How do I make it in this life? Adulthood is hitting me hard... like really hard. I'm trying to figure things out, but sometimes I feel lost and don't even know where to start. Someone told me I need a mentor, but is that enough? For those who are doing well in life or have been through this stage before: What advice would you give a young person trying to make it? What should I focus on in my 20s? What are the mistakes I should avoid? Is having a mentor really important? I genuinely want to hear from people with experience. Please, drop your advice. I will be reading the comments. Thank you.

Adulting 101BrightChicken

14 Jan

Adulthood is not what I imagined.

Adulting 101MildDog

7 Jun

I Feel Guilty for Succeeding While My Friends Are Still Struggling

I grew up with four close friends. We all came from similar backgrounds and had big dreams, but as life went on, things changed. Today, we're all graduates. By God's grace, I'm doing well, while most of my friends are still struggling financially. I've helped them countless times over the years, but lately I feel like I've become their emergency contact for every problem. Anytime something goes wrong, my phone rings. The truth is, I've started distancing myself. I don't enjoy hanging out like I used to because most of our conversations revolve around problems, money, and frustration. Now I feel guilty. These are people who stood by me when I had nothing. Walking away feels wrong. But staying is starting to drain me. Am I a bad friend for wanting some distance, or is this just part of growing up and outgrowing certain friendships? Has anyone been in this situation before? What did you do?

Adulting 101MildDog

2 Mar

Harsh Reality of Adulthood

You remember when your father told you that so so so wealthy person was his friend ? Maybe one billionaire or one politician or one business mogul was once your dads friend and you can’t help but to wonder what happened, why is your dad not that rich too or even half successful as them. Well, welcome to the harsh reality of adulthood. The reality is, its playing out again before my own eyes. I will be 31 years old this year and menh, I’m fighting tooth and nail for this reality to be in my favour. Its inevitably playing out, everybody is making moves, forget say it’s hard, people are still breaking grounds. I can’t afford to sleep on a bicycle, I need make moves too, though the pressure is too much. I don’t want history to repeat itself, I just want to be that wealthy person the other parents (my former friends or acquaintances) will refer to 😭

Adulting 101BrightChicken

10 Jan

Why do I think things about myself I’m too embarrassed to say out loud?

I have thoughts and fears that I’d never share with anyone. Some of them feel silly, others heavy. I just want a place to get them out without anyone judging me. Maybe others feel the same too.

Adulting 101MildDog

14 Jun

Torn Between Pleasing My Family and Following My Dream

Good evening, Eucarl community. I need your advice. I am a 28-year-old woman from a traditional family where women are expected to settle down, get married, and have children before pursuing their personal ambitions. The problem is, I've always dreamed of building a career in the arts. Recently, I got a job offer in another city that could be a big step toward my dream, but accepting it would mean relocating. My family wants me to stay close to home and focus on getting married instead. Now, I'm torn. If I follow my dream, I fear disappointing my family and possibly damaging my relationship with them. But if I stay and do what they want, I'm afraid I may regret not chasing my passion. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Should I choose my own happiness and career goals, or put my family's expectations first? I will be reading the comments. Thank you.

Adulting 101MildDog

13 Jun

I’m Tired of Influencers Promoting Unrealistic Lifestyles

Each time I look at Instagram, I get a gut punch. Everybody’s flaunting flawless skin, expensive holidays, brand new vehicles, and “soft life” schedules. It’s always those same captions—”woke up like this,” or “grateful for the little things”—in front of yachts or private aircraft. I’m stuck here in Nairobi, doing two jobs just to be able to pay rent. I wake up tired, sleep tired, and hardly have time to breathe, far less pose for photos. My life is nothing like what I see on Instagram. And it’s getting to me. I do know that some of it is phony, or at least curated, but still—it gets under my skin. I find myself scrolling and thinking I’m not good enough, like I’ve already lost at life just because I can’t pay for fancy shoes or a trip. I don’t even find myself enjoying being online anymore. But I do feel out of place if I am not. It’s as if I’m trapped in this cycle—yearning to log out, but afraid of missing something. Are you feeling this way yourself? How do you cope with being grounded in a world where everyone else appears to be living an idealized life in virtual space? Honestly, I could use your advice.

Adulting 101BrightChicken

10 Jan

How do I really find my purpose in life?

How do I discover what my true purpose in life really is? I feel lost sometimes and wonder if I’m doing what I’m meant to. I keep asking myself: am I on the right path? I just want to understand what my true calling is and finally feel at peace with my choices.